who's out next !

oooo just reading back.IKEA AND FAME

2007-12-14T10:58:00.000Z

Ok , Ok , i havent been on here for bloody ages and then i come on two days in a row. That blooger fame thing. That London ambulance random act blooger, He is one of our lot.The london Ambulance person. I was just thinking about his fame . I Just had a look on Amazon for his book, you can get if for a couple of quid. Perhaps he is not getting as rich as i thought. Dont think i will ever get a book publish, well, for a couple of quid i might.

Thought i would give u an anbulance fact . You might find it interesting or not. November 2007 was the Busiest month ever for the London Ambulance in the history of the World.There you go, thats all im going to say about the LAS today.

I was reading through my blog and i read the Ikea bit again. And i have had another thought about that. The Names for things, ie, strind and funny names with dots over the words for simple items like spoon. I know its a swedish company but you would think they would alter the names just a bit so they resemble the item . i have a few ideas for IKEA. Stool should be renamed Stit stooble. A table renamed something like Tiblod Grub. Good idea EH!

Im Back can i be famous too...Just give me the money

2007-12-13T19:25:00.000Z

HI.. They are all at it then.. These now famous bloggers. The latest blogger is Girl with a one track mind. I dont want to be famous but the money would be nice. Dont think i will be famous writing my off the wall in my head thoughts. I am sorry to dissapoint all but i just cant write about that paramedic thing. I will leave that to random acts blogger and the Like. Dont get me wrong , i love the job most of the time but .. but .. but....I just dont think its fcking interesting writing about im a paramedic doing jobs. well its not to me. Anyway i will just waffle on about things and the like. see you all soon.

Knife Fork Spoon

2006-12-01T12:03:00.000Z

Lynn changed our cutlery drawer about 9 months ago. The order of the cutlery in the drawer working from Right to left was Knife Spoon Fork. I want You just change your drawer round for a couple af months and see if you can get used to it. I couldn't. Every time I washed up and put the cutlery away I had to think. Being used to knife fork spoon for years it is so difficult to place them in the drawer without thinking where they go. In your head you have to repeat Knife Spoon Fork every time you place one of these in the drawer. YES that's every bloody time. Before when it was in the right order, I didn't think about it at all. Well strange eh. So I want you all to try it and see works for yout. It wont you Know.

How to replace a council lampost

2006-11-30T15:00:00.000Z

Sorry not been on here for a while. If no bugger reads it then it doesn't matter I suppose.

We have a new Street Lampost outside our house now. Exciting Eh! You thought it would be quite straight forward job pulling out the old one and fitting a new one. Well in fact that's not the case. Its a very long complicated procedure carried out by the Local Council.

This is how they do it. I know cos I have been keeping a close eye on this wonder of council Lampost replacement method.
They turn up in a big lorry. Usually two workers on board. One gets out a big diamond metal cutter, starts it up. The other disconnects the power.They cut it about 4 feet from the ground. When they are almost through they hang on to it and give it a pull until it snaps off. They load it on their lorry and off they go.

Then the next night its dark outside your house because the lampost has gone. Then the next day and the next and the next. A few weeks later when your eyes have adjusted to the pitch black and you have tripped over the kerb a few dozen times the council arrive again and put in a new lampost. They don't pull up the remains of the old one and put it in the original hole, Oh no. They have a new hole team that make a new one about 4 feet away from the original.

You then expect the new light to work. No chance there. You have to look at the new one and the chopped one for a few months yet. The council switching on team and the pulling out the chopped off one must be on a long holiday cos its a long wait. I got excited one day as the wire man was doing things inside it for a while. But we still had to wait a couple more months.

It works now and the old one has been dug up and holes filled. I had forgotten how handy a lampost is. Easy eh! Told you it was a complicated business.

Leave that and take this

2006-10-02T10:57:00.000+01:00

Lynns family have a habit of exchanging goods on every family visit. Does your family do this ?

whenever we visit one of the family we have take something over to them. And they always give us something in exchange to bring back. Its a thing they have to do. Its a continuous cycle that never seems to be broken.

The items I am talking about can be anything from a small scrap of paper that has something very interesting written on it. Or maybe a small potted plant. Or a few pennies contained inside a clear see through bank money bag. This may also contain a post it note describing the amount in the bag. For example. Mum Â£1.21
You must place them ready for collection and delivery in a visible place in your home. For example on top of the fridge seems to be the ideal place in ours. The choice of course is up to you.If you are giving change back for some item that you have been asked to get for them, then this must be packaged correctly.
The correct method of packaging is as follows. Small potted plants can stand alone in their own containers. If you have many plants or cuttings to exchange then they can be contained in a black bin bag. Even a washing up bowl or bucket will do. Plants seem to be hard to label sodon'tt give the wrong plant to the wrong relative because it may end up on your fridge being re labeledd, or even planted in the wrong garden. Money must always be in a small see through bank bag with a post it note inside. This is a must. Any other items must be contained in a supermarket bag when storing for collection, the end of the bag must be tucked under. This is for neatness of course.

I am popping round Lynns mums today.Ii was going to go round with nothing just to be arebell but on top of our fridge there is a saw in a bag belonging to Lynns dad staring . I will have to take it . I will let you no ifIi bring anything back.

Ambulance work woes

2006-09-30T08:13:00.000+01:00

Not been on here for a while. I told you couldn't keep it up every day. I have a few things to write about so I thought I would come back here.

Its official. The London Ambulance service has spent too much money. So what are they going to do? They are going to cut overtime down to a bear minimum for the next two months. That's your pay packet for Christmas of course. This means that ambulances will not get covered. It will be busier for the crews that are working, runninning on call after call that have delays of an hour or more because there are no ambulances to send.

The performance for the service is good at the moment for this reason they know that they can underperform for a couple of months. They also know that the crews will bugger them up on purpose because overtime has stopped. How much this will effect their annual figures they are not sure. We will see eh!

I also read a bulletin the other day from the LAS stating how we can improve patient care and performance. I am sure it made a few people smirk in disgust as they read it. Leave ambulances empty with no crews for a couple of months that should do it eh!

I was also speaking to a paramedic who works full time on the LAS bank. He qualified through university. He applied for a job n the LAS but failed the interview. But works full time doing bank shifts. So let me get this clear. They are saying he is not good enough to work for the LAS but he can work full time doing shifts for the service on bank. Whats that all about eh! He was also upset when he phoned up for shifts for next week. They told him that they are not giving bank staff any shifts until further notice. He wasnt happy. He has no other income, has a wife and a mortgage . I put him on to someone who does private work, that might help him.

IKEA

2006-09-10T07:50:00.000+01:00

We went to ikea yesterday and got a Birtby and a Strind. That's a wall unit and a coffee table to you and me. We had to pick something we could pronounce, some items take about half a day to get your tongue around. Then another half a day to find. For example the Effektiv or the Tryggve, and who would buy a chair called Klappe? I wouldn't. I don't care how good it is .

This is how the store works. You park your car about half a mile away, walk in the entrance via a revolving door with at least 50 or more people who could if they wanted to wait for the next empty section of the revolving door rather than cram in next to you. You are then greeted by stairs, toilets, (which you better use before you go in, because its a long time before you can get out). And a type of ball pond to throw your kids in before your go it alone in the store maze.

Once upstairs ignore the yellow bags ( you can pick one of them up later) pick up a short pencil and an order piece of paper to write down the unpronounceable names (Tip; take pencil home). Then take a free paper ruler to roll up while you are walking around or you could also use it to measure things. People do that. Now you are set.

The key thing is to follow the arrows along the floor. If you deviate off the arrows to look at Klapp chairs for example be prepared to get lost. And don't be surprised if you end up near the revolving door again. After you have spent around 15 hours wandering aimlessly around you come to the restaurant ( smokers don't bother), where you can get fish and skinny chips or some funny looking meatballs in nordic sauce. I think its called Crap in ikea language.

The next obstacle is the Pick up Zone. Grab yourself a flat trolley. Note: if you put anything on it you are guaranteed to bash your shins each time you take a step, so walk slow with small steps to try and avoid this. Another method of pushing it, is to lean over at about 90 degrees with your chest and head parrallel to the arrowed floor. Not so good for the back, but it seems to work ok. You will see hundreds of aisles the size of mountains spread out before you. Now go and find your Effektiv you wrote down with your short pencil.You might find that when you get to the appropiate place where your item should be, the space may be empty and out of bloody stock. ( This happened to us of course). Then you can swear a lot and go home. Please also note, your item may come in 50 or more parts. Grrrrrrr. If you are lucky enough to get what you wrote down, go to the till and stand in line. This will give you time to rub your shins and look for bruises. Or rub your back if you chose the 90 degree option. Now empty your yellow bag and pick up a blue one which they sell at a very reasonable price ( ideal to take home and use as a laundry bag). And if you use a credit card they charge you 70p extra. Bloody cheek!

Here is a tip for cutting Ikea shopping time down fron 15 hours to about 15 mins.
Choose what you want from an Ikea book, you can pick them up near the child and ball pond mix. Do not go in the entrance. Go in the exit. walk the wrong way through the tills and you will arrive at the pick up stock hall. Pick up your item and and turn around and go the right way through the tills again. Sorted! OO i nearly forgot. Drive half way home, turn around and go back and pick up your kids from ball pond, if you left any there that is.

The Good the Bad the Ugly

2006-09-08T19:08:00.000+01:00

Thought I would tell you about a couple of jobs that have happened over the last couple of days.

The Good. (good job)
I am sorry to say. It doesn't happen like it does on the TV series Baywatch ( if you remember that) or Casualty ( is that still on TV?) I am talking about peolple who suspend, (Stop breathing and their heart stops.) If you think that a few breaths into the mouth or jumping up and down on their chests cracking the ribs or even given them a belt of a million volts through the chest wall to the heart brings most people back to life after a few minutes, then I am afraid you are very mistaken. It just doesn't work like that.

The reality is that in London around 8% of people survive a VF arrest. (Which is a massive achievement for the LAS.) When I say survive, I mean they walk out of hospital. If you don't know what VF is then you should look it up. And less than 1% survive a complete cardiac arrest, (asystole. You better look that one up too). So to conclude, you would be bloody well lucky if we can get you back from an cardiac arrest.

But in saying that everyone of us could tell you of the few they got back from a cardiac arrest. Which makes the job well worthwhile.

The call I am supposed to be talking about now was an elderly male of around 75 ish in cardiac arrest. The son was performing CPR while waiting for an ambulance. When the crew arrived the paient was in VF, (look it up I said). One shock and back into to a normal rhythm. Just as they arrived at hospital the patient started to talk. As far as we know the patient was taken to the ward and is ok. With a bit of luck he might even walk out of hospital at a later date. Good eh!

The Bad (crap job)
Girl of 20 had her teeth cleaned yesterday. Today her gums started to bleed a bit. Not that gushing type of bleeding. It was that I can hardly see the blood type. She called an ambulance for that and wanted to go to hospital. You don't get seen quicker if you go in by ambulance if you wondered. Bloody some people eh!

The Ugly
My boss!

Parcels in the post office!

2006-09-06T16:46:00.000+01:00

I Told you that the Post office was trouble.
Our station officer was called to go to a suspicious parcel incident. We get a lot of these type of calls these days.
The funny thing is, the Parcel was in the Post office. That's where parcels are Kept and distributed I thought. How many bloody parcels do they have there? Thousands a day I thought. What made this one so suspicious eh?

Anyway it turned out to be an Umbrella. Don't no why it was looking so suspicious . Perhaps when wrapped it resembled a surface to air missile. Who knows eh?
And id didn't even rain today or it could have been used. Its been sunny all day.

It fell over

2006-09-04T10:29:00.000+01:00

Our 12ft Sunflower fell over in the wind. Grr. We still have a few left. Or did it fall ? Mmmmm. I bet it was lynns dad, who snuck over and cut through its root system with a spade or sharp impliment to weaken the root ball. It must have been him as he is growing his own, which are are bit smaller than ours. Jealous i think.The bugger Eh !

Below. Sunfower pic before sabotage

Friday night. Old persons missing

2006-09-03T10:56:00.000+01:00

Its a Friday and Saturday night thing. I just wonder where all the older people go on these evenings. They seem to stop calling ambulances on these nights when the call type changes to drunks and assaults. Where do they all go? Why do they stop calling us? Are they all drunk too? Are they all out boogieing the night away with the local pi** heads, scrots and thugs. They must still get ill. But they never seem to call much when the pi** heads are out and about. Funny that .

Where is your belly. where is my chest?

2006-09-02T15:56:00.000+01:00

On ambulance car today. I am Working today. Until 7 o'clock. GRR. My first job was an elderly man, given as Chest pains. In Fact he had got abdo pains. That is a common,patients not knowing the difference between their abdo and their chest. Now let me give you an idea where each of them are.. Just Bellow your head and neck is your chest. And the bit where your belly button is ,that's your abdo. Easy Eh! So why do so many people get it wrong? And I had to wait 40 minutes for one of our ambulances to arrive . I do sometimes get tea while I am waiting for ambulances. But not this time. I didn't want one anyway.

New reliefs.
There are a few newbies that have just started . I shouldn't moan too much about working this weekend. They have to work 7 weekends out of ten for 18 months. It that fair ? I think not. The firm have got them in the palm of there hands. The option when you go for the interview is, if you don't agree to doing it then you wont get the job.. I still think its wrong to do that to them. I know I am right. There must be an EU directive knocking about somewhere that says its bloody wrong too.

Ambulance thoughts

2006-08-31T10:21:00.000+01:00

Is it me? Or am i alone in my thoughts about ambulance blogs. i think i am. I will give you some tales about work when i can. I have been reading the usual "popular" blogs about ambulance work and i am sure they must be great to read for others but it reminds me too much of work. i have to yawn occasionally when i read them. Sorry about that. I suppose it would as i work for the ambulance service. I cant get into writing about the jobs i have had yet and how i made a difference or not. I just work there. I do a bloody good job and I get paid . We are not heros or angels . We just work there and do the job we are supposed to. Well most of us do.

You look well

2006-08-28T19:45:00.000+01:00

When you meet up with a relative or a friend that you haven't seen for a long time and they say to you. "You look well ". What do they mean? Is it a polite way of saying " you are a bit fatter than last time I saw you ". Or you are more wrinkly than I remembered" Or do they really mean that you do look well. This of course could be the case. If they genuinely do think you look well then I think. What the hell did I look like before. Did I look Ill before.Did I walk or smile in a crooked way and now I am better and didn't know it. Mmmm I wonder eh!.

Sunflower update

2006-08-28T08:34:00.000+01:00

12 feet 5 inches

Why do cats do that

2006-08-28T08:12:00.000+01:00

This one is about buggie. Our Cat. She has a habit of jumping out the front window, bouncing round to the back garden to the back door, jumping through the cat flap , walking through the house then doing it all again. We decicided that it must be fun for some reason so we both decided that Lynn had to have a go to see what all the fuss was about. She squeezed through the front window. It was a bit tight on her bum. Her bum its not big, its the the window that's a bit small. I heard the cat flap go and then Lynn appeared back in the front room. I think she cheated on the cat flap. I am sure she just came through the door. Her bum definatly would not fit through there. We are still not sure why the cat does it.

Iceland

2006-08-27T03:11:00.000+01:00

here are some facts about iceland

Dont eat or drink out there cos it costs a small fortune
It rains most days
Reykavik is the most northerly capital in the world
the population is less than 300,000
60% of iceland was covered in trees. now its about 1 %. they chopped them down. oops. big mistake.
its never hot. And its never well cold.
Freindly people but some are a bit bossy. i.e. " you!, get on the bus. NOW!
They all speak english
The geothermal pools smell of eggs. Its a sulphar thing
Rugged volcanic rock landscape with lots of water.
A small mea for two in pizza hut will cost you about £ 35. I told you it was expensive
Hot springs everywhere. supplies the island with hot water and electricity.
Dont stand too close to the geysir. An average of 7 tourists a year get scalded.
Iceland is on tectonic land plate. And is pulling itself apart
its worth a visit so give it a go

Holidaying cat hidden at the post office.

2006-08-21T14:34:00.000+01:00

We are Off to Iceland tomorrow. For a few days. Lynn wanted Rhodes. Don't know what happened there Think it was my fault. Whoops! She is starting to have those hot flushes women can get. So I thought Iceland would help cure her. Do they get them in Iceland? I will let you know.

And we now have a cat brush. Its Not for the hot flushes its for our moulting cat. I Was trying to feed the brush Kitecat this morning. I only noticed it wasn't the real thing because it wasnt meowing constantly while weaving in an out of my feet trying to trip me up.

And who moves stuff in the house so you cant find it eh! Its also a safe place thing. You put it in a safe place, then always forget where the safe place is but always remember the original place. So you then wish you put it in the original place and wonder why you ever moved it into a safe place. You did it because you thought the safe place would be better and easier to find. But you forget at the time that safe places disappear out of your head almost immediately.

Post offices. Close em all I say and give out the services to other shops. There are too many old people standing in long lines who have not quite got the hang of Bank cards ATM machines and the internet, so they do their business in the post office. Give em all free computers and internet explore lessons now. Now you even have to measure your bloody letters so as the right price stamp goes on it. You cant just write a letter and post it in a box. Oh no, you have to get it measured and weighed. They will be charging different amounts for different coloured envelopes next. Or if its a triangular flap or square flap to your envelope. Or more if you have to lick it or its self sticking. Close em All. Sorry about the rant but I had to go in there this morning GRRRRRRRR

Above. Its not a cat brush.Its a CAT!

Regular caller and bread

2006-08-20T08:46:00.000+01:00

I just put a slice of gold premium thick slice bread in the toaster. No keep fresh for 365 days wrapped in a faux foil bag cheap bread for our ambulance station. Oh no. And the phone went for a call. CAT A red 2. Supposed to be serious is the rough definition of a Cat A red. Given as abnormal breathing ,on floor, cant get up. Well, my patient was sitting on bed breathing better than me. That might be because I smoke.
Same address as yesterday and probably the day before. She went to hospital yesterday. They don't keep you in long if they can help it do they? She did not want to travel today. Perhaps later she might.

I remember seeing a firms e-mail about this patient about a month ago. She has called 146 times since January 1st this year. Make that 148 now. Surely something can be done to help . But what! She may be refusing help.

Anyway I am back on station now. Rob just walked out in the garage with hot teas on a tray for us all. Very civilized I say. Lovely

Times times times!

2006-08-20T07:12:00.000+01:00

I have just noticed that the firm (London Ambulance Service ) Known as LAS for short has a new category included on its performance figures called "revised clock start cat A". Let me try to explain a bit more about this performance beast. The ambulance services performance is mainly measured on the time that it takes to get to the call. The goal is to get to 75 % of CAT A calls within 8 mins. If we achieve this then we get the funding from the Health authorities. If we don't then there is trouble on the Horizon for the firm. It is presently running at 77 %, which is cool. But the goal posts are moving again. The clock starts ticking when the address of the patient is received, but soon it will start when the call is transferred to the LAS control from British telecom. So that's what I think the revised clock time is all about. The performance percentage would be around 55% when the new system comes into play. Oops. That means that we are in trouble again.

And over 25 feet is the world record for a sunflower. I am half way there with ours.

Back to work today GRR!

2006-08-19T14:59:00.000+01:00

I am at work today. 7 a.m. start until 1900 finish. I am on an RRU ( that's one of those fast response Orcon busting ambulance cars ) today. I have to have at least 3 cups of tea before I can even wake up in the morning. As the minutes ticked by my colleagues started to drift in. I said morning to Big H ( alias of course ) as he strolled through the door. He said hello, then went straight to his post tray pulling out a small slip of paper. He spoke out." Huh, another days annual leave that I have requested has been refused. I feel a sickie coming on ". I think there was also a swear word or two in there somewhere to0.

First job 7.10. And he was ill. Has to have been LVF. I wont go in to details about every job during every day as I am sure it may get a bit boring to read. I will just pick out bits for you to keep your interest up if I can. I think its a sunflower thing. Anyway,does anyone out there know how big they can grow.

Ooo. I forgot to mention. We are both off together next week. YAY! We are going on holiday only for a few days to Iceland. Yep ,that's Iceland.

Day of the Sunflowers

2006-08-18T18:58:00.000+01:00

No one told me they grew that big ! 11 feet 4 inches. I will keep you posted of future growth of course

The a picture above is the bottom of my garden. Thought i would include it as we are well proud of them. Thats what happens when you get a bit old. Things like gardens and sprouting forna get you a little bit excited. From little sun flowers big sunflowers grow

That CAT!

2006-08-18T09:28:00.000+01:00

Yea. That bloody cat. I am sure I can feel fur on my face as it floats around this room. Bloody cat hairs! In The CAT Bowls, Attached to every corner of furniture, My Socks, My work trousers. Grrrr. The cat should be bald, but its not. She still looks as if she has tons of that fur left. And why is the cat hair still there on my socks after they have spent 30 minutes in the washing machine and half a day on the washing line. Can someone sort that out please.

I am getting off this pooter now, will tell you more later.